Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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