when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
