Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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