If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
