i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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