i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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