someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
