i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
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I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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