Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
