Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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