Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
