went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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