Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
