It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
