Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
