i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Terrible idea I love it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
