You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
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You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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