Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
