he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
