Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
