Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just google imaged poop.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
