I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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