you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This baby is an asshole
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.