he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.