I just threw up on my dentist
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now