I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.