I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?