Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
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just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.