I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?