Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.

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  (203): my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus. http://tfl.nu/bisy
  Replies (9) Good night (776) Bad night (4120)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.

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  (405): I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/im6u
  Replies (43) Good night (4650) Bad night (835)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.

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  (407): my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed. http://tfl.nu/xljx
  Replies (87) Good night (3664) Bad night (31702)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.

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  (724): after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger. http://tfl.nu/1s95
  Replies (46) Good night (1483) Bad night (15472)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

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  (540): Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex. http://tfl.nu/iyvz
  Replies (17) Good night (9350) Bad night (1388)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...

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  (817): he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet... http://tfl.nu/na2h
  Replies (9) Good night (3320) Bad night (1797)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away

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  (845): you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away http://tfl.nu/uj7c
  Replies (3) Good night (2811) Bad night (838)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata

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  (313): Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata http://tfl.nu/0yl6
  Replies (5) Good night (2369) Bad night (689)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Career choice validated

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  (732): Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!" (732): Career choice validated http://tfl.nu/g765
  Replies (51) Good night (9621) Bad night (1077)
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  (925): View more from California

  I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.

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  (925): I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place. http://tfl.nu/fozt
  Replies (10) Good night (1421) Bad night (728)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.

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  (403): My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices. http://tfl.nu/r9jz
  Replies (4) Good night (1319) Bad night (449)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?

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  (617): A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck? http://tfl.nu/zk7d
  Replies (13) Good night (3747) Bad night (811)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.

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  (+44): Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least. http://tfl.nu/hzkn
  Replies (11) Good night (1326) Bad night (525)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.

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  (832): i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman. http://tfl.nu/9hj4
  Replies (3) Good night (699) Bad night (317)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.

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  (905): You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech. http://tfl.nu/68ru
  Replies (1) Good night (481) Bad night (193)

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