We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss