The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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