pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
