ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
