I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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