My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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