So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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