she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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