dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
