Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
