i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
