My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
