Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
