oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
