I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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