I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize