saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
