Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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