I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
