is your mom at the bar?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
