My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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