Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
