Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
