Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
