i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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