the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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