i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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