Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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