you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
