Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
