Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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