i think my mom watched the whole time
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
