oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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