if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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