i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
