i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
