Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
