dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Your cock deserves a montage
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
