thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
