She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
