So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
